The day of Lou’s terribly depressing doctor’s appointment, Lou confided in his “boss,” Jim, about what was really up.
Jim and Henry knew about some of Lou’s health issues, and they had heard the wild story about Lou’s “bloody interview” in Miami. But here we were all over again. Lou was on the edge of getting a very big and important job that would require him to be a kick-ass leader, and there was such a desperate need inside of him to appear stronger and healthier than he was. I know I’ll never completely understand how it felt to be in Lou’s shoes at that time, but I think I get it.
There’s a reason we say a huge risk taker has “big balls.”
And, there’s a reason that men in business strut around like “cock roosters,” and scratch at opportunities with a belief that their virility can help them get exactly what they want. I’ve always felt like business and sex share a lot of common metaphors. They have similar elements in their pursuits, their challenges, and, their cat-and-mouse tensions. I believe it’s the reason that both the game of sex and the game of business are the two things that men tend to fixate on the most.
But it was getting much more difficult for Lou to hide his situation from Henry and Jim. It was all-consuming at times, and it made every delay in the funding, and every night sleeping in Henry’s basement, that much more soul-sucking for Lou and me. Additionally, Lou knew that once the company was funded and he was installed as the CEO of a public entity, things like his health had to be disclosed. (So there was one mercy in the delays…)
But Lou couldn’t take it anymore. Lou is always a really open person, and so I’m certain Henry and Jim knew the worst of it already, but somehow, Lou knew he needed to spell it out for Jim in his own words.
I wasn’t around when Lou and Jim spoke, but Lou called me soon after they talked, and said he needed to speak with me right away. The trek over from the clean coffee shop was extra chilly, and I remember how scratchy the air made my cheeks feel when I got to Lou’s office. I think I was already amped up with fears of my own about what Lou had decided to do. I didn’t know he was going to talk to Jim, but I was pretty clear that when Lou and I parted ways after such a heavy doctors appoint that he was working stuff out.
Jim was incredibly kind — as he always was — and so supportive. Lou was sitting in Jim’s office when I got there, and I could see the bulge of his catheter bag under the leg of his pants. (Juanita lunged inside of me because she knew it was time to empty the bag, but I was starting to really hate my spirit animal. So I ignored her.) Jim expressed how deeply sorry he was for how things were working out, and how awful he felt that Lou’s health was causing added strain and pressure on an already awful situation.
But he did have an idea: “Why don’t you go to the University of Utah Medical Center, and check Lou into the ER?”
This way, we wouldn’t have to wait for an appointment — and, clearly what Lou was experiencing fell into the category of an emergency of sorts. Jim personally knew a few doctors and specialists who worked and taught at that hospital, and he had so much confidence in the university medical system. When I looked over at Lou, he actually looked relieved. He looked like this idea was giving him a boost, and knowing that Jim was fully in on the situation — with no edits or embellishments — made me feel equally elevated.
So, Lou managed to empty his own cath bag, while (Juanita and) I loaded up his laptop and other things he might want from in his office.
