I miss my mom.
She’s been gone for a long time now, but you never really stop missing some one you love as much as I loved my mom. But I don’t miss her in a sad way. I mostly miss her in a greedy way.
I wish I had more of her than I do. All the same, my mom always gave me so much of herself that I know I have all I really need to keep her close and forever with me. I see her in my fingers and my toes — sometimes it startles me how much my hands and feet remind me of hers! And as I age, I see the same papery lines around my eyes that I remember gracing my mom’s soft green eyes when she’d smile at me.
I have so many memories of times when my mom knew just what to say, just what to do, and just how to be with me. She’d say things like, “I see you, Sonja,” and somehow, that would be the perfect push I’d need to keep trying in my life.
Losing her was really overwhelming, but the amazing thing about her passing is how I still keep finding her in my life through the women I’m attracted to as my friends. It’s almost like my mom hand-picked certain women to show up at just the right moment to mother me the way she would have if she was still here. These women seem to appear exactly when I need them, and somehow, they take me into their hearts, and sometimes they even end up saving me from myself.
There are multiple blog entries to follow that are dedicated to three such women: Elaine, Jackie, and Vanessa. They each appeared at the perfect time as this story continues and I just want to say ahead of time…
