Soul mate is a term that most people reserve for romantic relationships.
But for me, there’s no other way to describe how I feel about Vanessa. She is soulfully valuable to me, and even when we don’t speak to each other for months, if I pray, I know she hears my words to God in her heart, too. Her presence hovers in my being like a whisper of goodness whenever I think of her.
Vanessa and I often share one voice.
Her words are mine when I lack the breath to speak, and I know my thoughts sustain her when she doesn’t know what to think. We mix together in a beautiful way that creates a friendship that has stood the test of time. She is my forever friend, and I know that I’m forever hers. No conflict has ever separated us for long, and no distance has ever kept her from being right next to me in my heart. Somehow…she just knows when I need her, and that’s exactly when she shows up.
Whenever I’m feeling scared, ashamed, or unsorted, I tend to hide from people. When I don’t have answers about my life, it’s just easier if I turtle up until I decide I can face things better. But Vanessa is the friend in my life who climbs inside of my shell with me. She stays inside my darkness until my heart beats in rhythm again; and then, she gently rubs my head until I can come out and face the Light.
The day after the road rage incident, I waited for Lou to leave for the office so I could call Vanessa. I’ve never “turtled up” or hidden deeper inside of myself than I did that night in the car, and I was afraid I might never emerge again if I didn’t ask Vanessa to help me. I couldn’t even look at Lou, and when he gave me a weak apology before he left for work, it did nothing but push me deeper into a place of ruin and pain. So by the time I dialed Vanessa’s number, I barely had a voice to use with her.
Very gently, Vanessa crawled inside of my pain with me. I remember sitting on the frigid concrete floors in our condo while I talked to her because I wanted to be cold. Every attempt I made to get warm only left me colder, so I wanted to have some say in how I felt that day — even if what I felt was bitterness. I unloaded everything onto V’s capable shoulders, and she quietly listened. She eased me out of my shell enough to hear her words, and what she said to me made me feel hope.
She said, “You need to come to be with me. I need that for you. Come to me, Sonja. I can keep you safe. I can sort you, Beauty.”
Just hearing that I could escape for a little bit gave me hope. But an hour after I called her, Vanessa called me back with an idea. She was leaving in a couple of weeks to go home to England. Her oldest son was having her first grandchild, and she was flying over to spend a couple of weeks with her whole family, and to meet “her new baby boy.”
Vanessa had already called the airline to see if she could rearrange her ticket and use some of her frequent flier miles to take me with her. It would be the perfect break — and Vanessa said she always wanted to take me with her to England. It was exactly what we both needed. And…it was what we both wanted to do.
Vanessa’s idea overwhelmed me with hope. I knew I couldn’t think clearly, and perspective always comes when you can give yourself a different point of view. A trip to England with my soul mate honestly seemed like a dream… A blissfully wonderful dream! Vanessa told me to pray about it that day, and then, I should present the idea to Lou. She said she would pray, too, and we’d set the plan in motion as soon as we included Lou.
After my second call with Vanessa, I remember sitting in Jackie’s cozy recliner in our dumpy living room. It was a typically gray Salt Lake City winter’s day… Hot tears laced with hope flooded my eyes when I thought about taking a trip to a place that was as far away as possible from Utah, Lou, Sam, Roy…
