People who know me really well have heard me say that if I were a superhero, my super power would be stain fighting.
I can get anything clean — that’s just how I roll. So once The Imposition Tour was finally underway, I was always on the lookout for stains and spots on Lou’s clothes. I wasn’t sure when I’d have access to a washer and my beloved Tide Original detergent again — and there were only so many changes of clothes that I could fit into his bag.
(Lou kind of reminds me of a giant toddler; he has a tendency to drip and drop food on his shirt every day, and unless he can figure out a way to make the “man bib” the next big fashion statement, I’ll probably spend my entire life on guard.)
But as you might imagine, living out of a car put me on HIGH ALERT.
The good news is, once we were “wheels up” on the first leg of our road trip — trekking across the nation signing up new wrinkle cream distributors — I actually started to feel better about a lot of things in my life. Lou was awesome at recruiting people into the company, and he was working the phones non-stop as we made our way through Alabama, then Mississippi, followed by two stops in Texas, and then on to Kansas City. We had amazing family and friends to see at every stop, and so if I didn’t think about it too much, it kind felt like we were on vacation!
It was so wonderful to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world — and everyone was so encouraging and gracious to us. I have some incredible memories from the first leg of our tour, and even though I wasn’t always the best version of myself, I started to think maybe we would pull this whole thing off!
Lou was a constant source of laughter on the road — he was feeling so good, and I think he likes a challenge more than most people. He was determined to break every recruiting record the MLM company set for distributors, and with a network of people as large as Lou’s, it wasn’t an unreasonable goal. Lou is very motivated by a benchmark, and so even though he kept our plans loose, I noticed that he pretty much always had a strategy of sorts in play.
No one was off limits to Lou…
And, everyone he called seemed to offer us a place to stay before Lou even had to ask. He’d merely mention that we were “passing through” on a recruiting trip for the company, and suddenly, we’d have dinner plans and a nice bed to sleep in for a night or two. It was baffling to me to discover how much hospitality was extended to Lou. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though, because back in the day, if our situation was happening to anyone that Lou knew, they would be sleeping in my guest room, and enjoying a meal on Lou.
Lou has always paid it forward in his life — and that’s one of the many reasons I love him so much. And it’s also the reason that Lou has lifelong friends spread across the entire United States who will honestly do anything for him. As soon as I married Lou, I realized that he had this extraordinary gift of hospitality. But I will confess to you right now that Lou’s brand of hospitality is not my gift.
You see, I struggle with the details of hosting people too much, I guess.
I have a very vivid memory of Lou blindsiding me one night after only three months of marriage. I was still working as a technical writer, and I was in the middle of a huge project, and I just wanted to get home and relax. But Lou called me (after a day out on the golf course) to tell me he invited a “few friends” over to grill. He was so excited, so how could I take that joy away from someone I love?
Oh the honeymoon phase…
But when I got home, there were 13 people wandering around our beach house, while Lou was making his signature scallops on the grill out back! The sheer number of people wasn’t my real problem. My exact problem was that I only had 12 place settings that matched! That meant that three people (probably me and Lou, and the least fancy of Lou’s 13 friends) were going to have to have a different plate and silverware that night, and for me, that is never OK. (Well, it is now. But back then, it was pretty close to the end of the world!)
After being married to Lou for a few years, I did start to learn that it’s not the matching place settings that matter in life — it’s the people who gather together and want to spend time with you that make a meal memorable. It took me a long time to see how true that is – even though it would still bother me today to have a mix and match situation when setting my dinner table.
I wish I could be naturally hospitable like Lou.
He’s inspired me as much as he’s annoyed me with his willingness to stick his neck out for others. If Lou finds out a person needs help, he’s always quick to offer it if it’s in his power to do something — while I’m a bit slower to jump into action, I suppose. I know I have a good heart — but my version of helping is much more contained than my husband’s. (And, it involves matching place settings and fresh, fluffy towels as I’m sure you’re starting to gather…)
Anyway.
Lou grew up in Dallas, but he moved to Kansas City for high school. The previous year, Lou went to his 40-year-class reunion, and he had reconnected with some of his high school friends. So that was the next big stop on our journey after our big loop of Texas. Lou seemed excited to introduce me to some of his oldest friends — even though we both suspected it might be strange for them to meet Lou’s “young wife,” who was actually still wearing diapers when they all were starting college. (Ugh…)
But on our first day in KC, we had a lovely time of imposing on one of Lou’s closest high school buddies — a fantastic woman Lou calls KJ. She was awesome, and hearing stories about “Louie Zant” from back in high school was hilarious!
To me, it was no surprise to learn that Lou was voted “Best Dressed” in high school, or that he and his gang of friends (“The Shrubs”) were the kids that everyone liked — except for their mortal enemies “The Aphids.” Watching Lou and KJ talk about the glory days of high school was so sweet, and it made me feel a sense of happiness that comes from a life well lived.
Lou gave me that perspective often on our journey. My husband is a good person, and I like him — a lot.
So back to my story. When we were getting ready to pack up to leave KJ’s the next morning, I was making the bed, and I noticed a tiny spot of fresh blood on Lou’s side of the bed. It was about mid-way down on the edge of the bed. Of course, my stain-fighting powers kicked in, and I had no trouble getting the stain out of the sheets and the mattress pad.
But it seemed very odd to discover a stain like that.
At the time, I dismissed the stain because I did shave my legs that morning, and I assumed that I had some sort of rogue razor nick on the back of my leg or something. I reasoned that I must’ve brushed up on Lou’s side of the bed when I was organizing his suitcase that morning. But later that day, when Lou and I were heading to Iowa to recruit some people into the company, my “Spidey senses” were triggered once again.
Lou had just filled up the gas tank, and he was getting back into the SUV when I alerted to a dime-sized stain on the front of Lou’s shorts. The stain was dark red against his khaki shorts, and quite frankly, it looked stubborn. I leaned forward in my seat to get a better look.
I said to Lou, “What did you eat?”
Lou looked back at me in confusion. “Nothing… Why?”
“You’ve got a spot on your shorts.” I pointed out the perfectly circular stain.
Lou looked at the stain, and thought for a moment. He was truly puzzled.
“Maybe I zipped myself in the bathroom just now?” he offered up.
Seriously? There was no better explanation…?
But after we got back on the highway, I could tell this mystery stain was bothering Lou more than it was bothering me. I already felt certain that I could get the stain out, but the cause of the stain was only a passing wonder in my mind.
By the time we pulled off the highway, and parked in the Panera Bread parking lot where we were meeting these new potential recruits, Lou’s shorts were covered in a strange, web-like stain of what appeared to be blood! Lou’s face was a little gray with worry, and looking back, I was worried about all of the wrong things.
Could I easily access a clean pair of shorts for him before this meeting? Probably.
I managed to find a pair of light blue shorts for Lou, and he quickly changed in the men’s room. He handed off the small plastic bag I gave him when he went to change his clothes, and I could tell things were not right.
Lou was obviously distracted by the situation, but it was show time. He had to find the will to be positive and excited about wrinkle cream. So I just grabbed the bag and shoved it into my purse, and then followed Lou to a crowded table of potential anti-wrinkle fanatics.
We didn’t know a single person gathered around the table to hear Lou do his wrinkle cream pitch. Lou was meeting these people on behalf of someone in his downline. To his credit, Lou did a great job. But midway through his presentation, I noticed a new quarter-sized spot of blood on the front of his clean blue shorts!
I didn’t want to draw attention to the situation, but it was clearly worse than a “zipper catch.” So as Lou was standing up to wrap up his presentation, I casually wrapped my arms around Lou’s waist in a super awkward hug. I was trying to use my purse — which I had hung from my forearm — to partially cover up Lou’s crotch region.
Lou wasn’t sure what I was doing until he took a quick peek at his shorts; his face went slack, and he sat back down. We exchanged bewildered looks, and then we both did our best to act natural.
But how can anyone act naturally when this is happening?
Amazingly, Lou signed four new people to his downline at that meeting — but neither of us felt like celebrating. We were too busy trying to get signatures and saying our goodbyes so we could focus on this horrible bloom of blood spreading on Lou’s shorts…
