It took a few tiny miracles to pull off my trip to meet Lana in LA.
First of all, Roy had to call me with daily updates so we could isolate a two-day window, and some possible time slots when Lana would be available to take a meeting about my project. Once we had at least a range of times that might work, Jackie used more of her frequent flier miles to book me a ticket from SLC and back.
For the past month, Lou had been doing some “solo imposing” with one of his friends in Orange County. I think he was actually staying on the convertible bench in his friend’s RV, which sounded terribly uncomfortable. But Lou was doing what he could to stay in the fight. He hadn’t been hired on with the company in LA yet, and so he was finding himself in that very familiar spot of trying to save every penny by sleeping on sofas and guest beds until things felt more solid.
But once we knew I was flying in to meet with Lana, Lou reserved a nice (but inexpensive) hotel room for a couple of days on Laguna Beach. It would be the first time we saw each other in more than a month, and I think we both felt like so much was riding on my trip.
When Lou picked me up at the airport in LA, I remember that things felt more connected between us than they did when he picked me up after my time away in England. I guess because we talked to each other every day, and because most of our demons were out in the open now, nothing had the power to frighten me as much as it did before. However, I still remember being very fearful that I would fail somehow.
I was worried that something I’d say or do in my meeting with Lana would end up failing Eloise and Roy… And, I was afraid I’d never be able to figure out how to be a good wife again.
But mostly, I think I was afraid that I still needed more time away from Lou in case my search for myself wasn’t fully over.
Lou and I spent the first day together walking along the beach, and eating picnic style food in our hotel room with a bottle of wine. We fell into an easy and familiar banter, but there were still so many unknowns and basic details about our lives that made it difficult to do anything other than stay in the moment. Any time we tried to think too far out, or run scenarios about what could or might happen next for either one of us career-wise, the air would leave the room.
So we just did our best to keep things simple.
Lou cautiously tried to prep me for my meeting with Roy and Lana — and his advice was actually really helpful. He didn’t pad his words with trite compliments about what a great writer he thought I was, and he didn’t pretend to understand how wrapped up I got in storytelling. He simply said this:
