Our trip to Napa was a definite turning point for Lou and me on The Imposition Tour.
On that trip, Lou really fell in love with the idea of marketing wine. Lou’s associate, Tony, invited about 20 people to his winery for an industry mixer of sorts, and every conversation Lou had seemed to ignite a real passion inside of him. Tony clearly liked Lou, and the morning after the party, he invited us to meet with him privately so he could share some insights and realities about the world of wine.
During that very first private meeting with Tony, Lou started to see the outline of a true fit for himself inside of what we soon found to be a very insular (but still quite intriguing) industry.
So on our drive back to Ojai, Lou started sketching out the details of a new concept for marketing wine. I was fully engaged in his ideas, too, because it was the first time we both felt really hopeful about something in a very long time. So as Lou talked, I listened, and I began to work out a strategy for writing a business plan in my mind.
All of Lou’s ideas seemed possible to us, even though we both realized that there was so much we didn’t know about the sale and distribution of wine. What we soon discovered is that it is flat out one of the most complicated industries in America. It’s still got hooks and hang-ups in every state in the U.S. because of Prohibition, and, because wine is a living, breathing commodity with a fragile and finite quality, you can’t just “wing it.” But Lou was invigorated by the idea of doing something with wine, and so he started learning as much as he could on his own.
As I watched him throw himself into this process, it dawned on me how natural this fit was for Lou.
In the very beginning, when we very first tried to come to terms with the loss of all of our money, Lou and I had to have some very frank discussions about how we’d need to adjust our lifestyle if we were going to make it. Obviously, we both accepted that we had to cut out the big and unnecessary things; but when it came to some of the “smaller things” we both valued, we had to take a beat.
Anything that was a “non-essential” had to go. But at first, it wasn’t very easy for us to each redefine what an “essential” really was — which I can tell you was an incredibly revealing process! At that time in my life, I had never face this kind of reality before, and so I had nothing to compare to a “total financial loss of epic proportions.” I do now, of course. But back then, I was still in baby-land trying to figure out the difference between the words “need” and “want!” (Not. Easy. And also… NOT. OPTIONAL.)
But I think I knew right away that reducing our spending output meant that I couldn’t splurge on costly hair highlights, new clothes or shoes, or on all of my fancy organic cleaning supplies anymore; and for Lou, he recognized early on that he’d need to drop out of his golf club, and, he’d need to cancel his memberships in all of the fancy wine clubs he’d joined. All of those decisions were clear, but they were also preceded by a gut-check…
I vividly remember sitting at the table with Lou one afternoon, looking at our bank statement. There were several auto-drafts for monthly wine club memberships in the mix. To me, that was an easy cut. We didn’t need fancy wine because we weren’t fancy people anymore. Wine was too big of a luxury at that time. But for Lou, dropping out of all of his clubs at one time was tricky.
Lou said: “Baby, I know it sounds crazy, but I really need to keep my membership in one of my wine clubs. It just feels like if I let all of them go it’s going to take away something I need to feel right now. It’s a luxury, I know, but I need to hold on to that one thing for a little while longer.”
So we agreed. Lou could pick one club. He’d need to adjust the membership from monthly to quarterly, but Lou could live with that. Then, we’d find the money to pay for it somehow. (We would also find the money for me to splurge on Tide Original on a quarterly basis, too, because I really need it, too!)
During our first very disorienting year of being broke, keeping Lou in one of his wine clubs really helped him keep his chin up. What started out as a “rich man’s passion” had turned into a lifelong appreciation — and one that I can’t believe we never thought to pursue sooner.
Anyway.
When we got back to Ojai, Lou was fully engaged in his ideas, and that felt great. But within a week, we both started to sense that we’d imposed on Lynn and Margaret long enough. They of course never said anything, but we just knew we had to give them their space back. And even though spending quality time laughing with Lynn and binge watching shows together on my computer are some of my fondest memories (ever!), it just felt like we’d stayed in Ojai long enough. We sensed that we needed to keep moving, and it seemed like something was honestly calling us to move further up the coast of California.
In classic Imposition Tour style, Lou and I were uncertain about where we were going — we just knew it was time to go. And, we reasoned that if Lou wanted to do something in the wine industry, we should probably position ourselves in Northern California. Lou was already starting to develop contacts and set up potential meetings with industry insiders, and so even though nothing was clear, there was an undeniable vibration that felt like progress happening around Lou’s latest idea.
As for me, I felt myself starting to let go of Eloise a little bit more. It wasn’t easy for me to do, but I felt like I had no other choice. As far as I could tell, Roy was holding things together with Ira, and until he needed something from me, all I could so was standby and wait. And, after the whole Sam email incident, I felt like I was incapable of handling things with him without ruining my marriage and my career in one big tumble.
So the only thing I could come up with was the idea of surrender – which I hated. But I began to realize it was all I could do. It was all up to Ira, anyway…
