The 20-year age gap between Lou and me doesn’t seem weird when you actually know us.
In fact, I feel certain that if Lou and I were the same age, we never would’ve ended up together! My overly mature side mixes perfectly with Lou’s boyishness, and there is
We’re a total match — at least I think so.
But I know that there are members of my family who were a bit baffled by my choice to marry someone so much older than me. I know they all love Lou now, but I’ll bet it took a minute.
How could they not wonder, though? These are the same people who have known me since I was a baby! And they’ve been witness to every awkward phase of my life — including that horrible perm my mom gave me back in seventh grade that caused my hair to break off, leaving me with a very unstylish, fuzzy bob. These people have done my whole life with me, and it’s their privilege to feel older and wiser than me.
There should be a certain numerically predictable order inside of your family legacy, right?
But I can only assume that my age gap with Lou is particularly awkward for my mom’s two brothers. Her brother, John, is the exact same age as Lou, and her other brother, Fred, is actually eight years younger. When you start applying the math to the situation without taking into account the person represented by the number, it does get a tad creepy. (Even for me!) I can’t even allow myself to imagine Lou and my Uncle John as contemporaries in any way.
Ugh.
And I still remember my Uncle Fred when he was in high school! He was this “mysterious teen” living in Edna Pearl’s basement that would toss me around in the backyard when he was babysitting my sister and me during one of our summer visits. (Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Lou was already a full-grown man by then… Holy heck!!)
So I think I was already nervous about this family reunion. I don’t think my life made a lot of sense to my family before Lou and I started living out of a car; but now, there was no way for me to bluff or buffer the facts of my life for the benefit of clarity for anyone.
And in usual Sonja form, I felt like I probably needed to make my life clearer for my loved ones. I felt certain that Lou and I looked like a couple of total losers who should be more stable by now! After all, my very educated and successful relatives went through all of their life struggles at an “age-appropriate” time. Now, they were living stable, normal lives like you should be by the time you’re middle-aged. So what happened to us? (I can’t say this is actually true, or even what anyone in my family was thinking, but it is what I was thinking for them.)
Oh, and on top of everything else, my husband was not doing well! He was bleeding… And to be plain about it, I know both Lou and I were freaking out about what that might mean.
But at dinner, Lou was a trooper — like he always is.
I’m sure I was the only one who knew he was shining at half of his normal wattage. And thankfully, I have a very nice family, so it made it a lot easier to fake our way through a pleasant conversation. For me, it was absolutely wonderful to see Edna Pearl. Because she was already so emotionally and spiritually invested in our lives, she was able to speak in a certain kind of shorthand that comforted me and gave me hope. Obviously, she didn’t know about this latest situation, but she didn’t need the details to know that Lou and I were really wobbly. I remember after dinner, my grandma prayed over Lou and me. She likely had no idea why her prayer made tears well up in both of our eyes…
But God did, and that’s how my grandmother always stayed connected to my soul.
My Uncle John and his wife, Clare, offered to let us impose on them for the night; they lived about 40 minutes away from the restaurant. I was actually really looking forward to a stay at their house because my Aunt Clare shares my cleaning standards. Her home is honestly the gold standard of perfection! There was a total certainty that her towels would be fluffy, fresh and thirsty; and, I was quite confident that her guest room would have the most luxurious bedding.
So after we said our goodbyes to the rest of the family, Lou and I climbed into our truck and started following the taillights on my uncle’s car. When we arrived at their absolutely perfect home, my aunt and uncle offered us some dessert. I remember feeling completely torn between trying to be a kind
I recall sitting in the living room, chit-chatting with my aunt and uncle, while Lou was in the guest bathroom. It was incredibly distracting to try to act “normal” when I could feel Lou’s emotions faltering even when he wasn’t in the same room. When he finally joined us in the living room, it was impossible not to see that something was really wrong.
So Lou offered up a bit of an explanation…
He said he was bleeding, and he thought it was from a biking related injury and sitting for so long in the car. I looked up at my aunt and uncle, and I realized that no one knew what to say. But then the obvious solution came to mind: We needed to take Lou to the emergency room.
(Right. Good idea.)
But it was getting pretty late, and I know we were simply too exhausted to think clearly. And while the thought of going to the ER was a good one, I think Lou and I were both pretty terrified about what the doctor might say. We were technically homeless, and currently without insurance. And, we had a pretty tight budget. Plus, this bleeding situation just started about six hours ago, so maybe…just maybe it would stop on its own after a good night’s sleep?
It might. Right?
It was up to Lou, though, and he opted for going to bed. I think his will to keep going that day was finally drained. My aunt and uncle were incredibly kind, and they kept their own concerns for Lou’s health graciously in check. No one was insisting that Lou go to the ER; my uncle just told Lou that if he changed his mind, he would take him. And my aunt was so sweet. She told me where I could find everything I might need, and, she said I could use her state-of-the-art washing machine to wash our clothes in the morning. That was the most perfect thing to say to me.
It was as if my Aunt Clare flashed her stain-fighters secret shield at me at just the right moment to give me the courage I needed!
(God bless her soul…)
