I’ve had two BMW Z4 convertibles — one was tan, and the other one was black with a red interior.
When I got the first one, Lou complained about how a sports car was a total waste on me. He was right. I’m a very cautious driver. And, because I’m seldom running late, there was never a good reason for me to rush.
Most of the time, I drove my speedster just under the legal speed limit so I’d always make it to my destination safe and secure — and, without a speeding ticket on my record. I can’t even imagine how many people cursed me under their breath when they could finally pass me on a double lane road.
But I spent most of the time in my car blissfully unaware of how others wanted me to drive because it was my car, and I could drive it as quickly or as slowly as I wanted. And I’ve always liked things slow. For me, driving too fast in that little car with the top down felt exactly like I was racing down a steep hill in a pair of rollerskates without any laces!
But the reason I wanted that particular car was because it’s a two-seater seater; one seat for me, and one for Lou. There was no room for any other passengers in my car, and, there wasn’t room for a whole lot of baggage either. Even though I know that makes me sound like a terribly selfish person, that car was like a metaphor for the life I thought I wanted to have when I married Lou.
Just me and my husband, on the adventure of a lifetime.
The irony of my choice in cars (and mates) is that even though for the most part, it was just Lou and me, whenever Lou is driving me in any car at all, it feels exactly like he’s wearing the laceless rollerskates, and I’m riding on his shoulders! And at this point in time, my car/marriage metaphor was suddenly taking on a whole new terrifying perspective.
Whatever fears and anxieties were natural for me to feel when I found myself suddenly living out of a rental car were exponentially amplified when Lou started bleeding.
Out of the blue, I found myself sitting in the passenger seat of my own life with no say in how fast or aggressively we were moving down the highway. I did my absolute best to strap in for the ride, but there was no speed or safety feature in that car that could bring me any comfort.
