The first thing I remember about meeting Debbie was her overwhelming beauty — and I’m not just referring to her stunning appearance.
This woman exuded graciousness, and to this day, her home was one of the most gorgeous places I’ve ever been. It looked like I was walking into a photograph from the pages of Southern Living Magazine. It smelled like magnolias and fresh baked goods; and, every surface I laid my eyes on was either plush or polished to perfection.
I remember that Debbie’s slow and easy Southern mannerisms were instantly calming to me. When I sat down at the counter in her magnificent gourmet kitchen, she made me a light lunch. Her pretty fingers made everything she touched look delicious, and I instantly fell head over heels for Debbie.
Soon after I arrived, I met Debbie’s husband, Brice, who immediately gave me a warm bear hug, and welcomed me into his home and into his life. Lou had explained to me that based on his phone conversations, Brice already felt like a brother to him. They even looked a lot alike — both men are tall and have a strong build, and they have the ability to fill a room with their certainty and confidence. It was absolutely incredible to me that God would connect my life to these two perfect strangers in such a way that I felt like I was instantly a real part of their family.
Brice told me a little bit about the event that he and Debbie were hosting that evening. It was a recruitment meeting to introduce a dozen or so new people to the anti-aging skincare product, and he was hoping I might be willing to say a few words to the group. Many of the people who were planning to attend had already spoken to Lou on the phone, or they knew of Lou by reputation.
One of the things that I officially understood once we were full-time wrinkle cream distributors was that Lou is pretty famous in the MLM world. People from all over the country had heard Lou give speeches, or they were distributors in one of the MLM companies that Lou owned, or, they learned how to do direct sales by listening to one of Lou’s motivational speeches from the 1990s (Crazy!)
I wasn’t super excited about playing a big part in the event that night — I was doing everything I could to keep it together at that point in time, and standing up in front of a group of strangers, and trying to represent “the one and only Lou Zant” felt pretty daunting. But how could I say no to Brice and Debbie? I already knew I’d do anything for these two people. So I agreed to take the lead that night. Brice assured me he would be with me the whole time, and he was sure the group that was gathering together would be honored to have me there — no matter what I said.
Debbie then showed me to an enormous guest suite so I could settle in and take a nap. Normally — and when I’m in my right mind — I would study every detail of how Debbie layered her linens, or how she picked the throw pillows on the settee. People like Debbie inspire me so much with their ability to make a space inviting and elegant. But all I really remember about that room right now is how tired and frightened I felt after I closed the door to the guest suite.
I recall removing just a couple of the expensive-looking throw pillows off of the bed to make exactly enough space for me to slip under the covers. I didn’t want to deconstruct the whole bed — I just wanted to take up a sliver of room so it was like I had never even been there.
When I was in elementary school, one of my teachers told my parents that she was worried about my self-esteem. She said my handwriting was so tiny that she was concerned it was an indication that I didn’t feel good about myself.
Soon after that parent-teacher meeting, my dad sat down next to me on the couch while I was watching cartoons, and he plainly asked me why my handwriting was so tiny. I remember looking up at my dad and saying something so honest and obvious to me:
“Sometimes I don’t know how to spell the words I want to use in a sentence, so if I write real small, maybe my teacher won’t notice my mistakes.”
I think this is how I’ve always approached things in my life. I’m a creative perfectionist.
I have very ambitious ideas, but I also have deep concerns that I might not execute my ideas as flawlessly as I want to. So instead of not trying at all, I attempt to disguise or camouflage the parts of my ideas that I worry might expose my ignorance. I show up for everything I want to do in life, but I do try to deflect the attention of others away from my self-declared deficits.
Looking at things objectively now, I realize that being married to someone like Lou has created a great situation for me. I can let Lou be big, bold, and noisy, and I can just tag along and hide behind him when I’m feeling less than perfect. He can be the “big deal,” and I can be the small little wife who might be full of surprises.
But during this time in my life, God wasn’t permitting me to hide behind Lou anymore. I had to find a way to step up. I had to trust that even when I’m less than perfect, I have exactly what it takes to be who God created me to be.
But when I was in Debbie’s magnificent guest room, I was just plain scared.
And with hindsight, I know that’s the moment when my desire to be small started to take on some very worrisome and lasting characteristics. I was just so tired of not being enough or having enough to sustain my life on my own. I was bewildered by this newfound neediness we were experiencing in our lives, and so my thoughts and ideas started to become very small.
We were always showing up for life, but I was certain that we had almost nothing to give; and, I was growing so weary of how we always had our hat in our hands. I felt like being present in my life — especially with others — meant being a burden to them. I was ashamed and lost, and I didn’t know how to be present without finding a way to be small and partially hidden from view. So I did everything I could think of to make myself tiny and as light as a feather, and that way, maybe no one would even notice that I was there.
After I took a shower in the massive guest bathroom, I discovered that I forgot to pack my hair dryer. I looked under the sink, and in the many drawers of the vanity, but there was no hair dryer.
Now. I’m completely certain that Debbie had a hair dryer I could’ve borrowed, and I’m sure she would’ve been happy to lend it to me. In fact, she might’ve even had a hair dryer in the exact color of the walls in the guest suite — but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I couldn’t stand the thought of bothering her with another one of my needs; so I just stood in front of the massive bathroom mirror, trying to thoroughly dry my hair with one of her luxurious hand towels.
When I got dressed, I put on the nicest outfit I brought with me. In my rush to get on the road the day before, I wasn’t really planning to look nice for anyone, so I mostly had shorts and tank tops with me. But I did have one very rumpled sundress.
The guest suite didn’t have an iron in any of the obvious places, so I decided to be resourceful. I used my curling iron to press out the wrinkles. It actually worked better than expected, and in a way, that tiny success made me feel a little boost of confidence. I knew I looked pretty awful, but the fact that my sundress was mostly pressed seemed like one of those tiny victories I was always looking for.
The whole recruitment event is kind of a blur now. But I do remember standing up in front of the group and trying to repeat some of the statements I’d heard Lou say a million times when he was pitching the product or the business on the phone. The problem was, I knew I was losing the group when I tried to pretend to be like Lou. It wasn’t authentic coming from me. So I finally just told these people the truth. I wasn’t a salesperson, and I was awful at talking about the product. But I believed in my husband, and what companies like this one can do to help people have a better life.
Brice did the close, and he was brilliant.
He reminded me so much of Lou, and I felt proud to be sitting in his living room with all of his potential recruits. Everyone in attendance was incredibly nice — they were all so kind and concerned about Lou. (We just told the group Lou was ill without going into too many of the gory or bloody specifics.)
It was really nice, and it was clear that Brice and Debbie had the kind of professionalism you need to support a top-notch downline. I don’t remember how many people signed up that night, but I think it was a few. What I do remember is that Brice was really pleased, and he gave me the sincerest hug afterward. He said I was a natural at sales because of my willingness to be so honest.
“People love honesty,” he said.
