There’s a song by a band called Weezer that I declared as my personal anthem back when our trust got wiped out. It’s called “Undone — The Sweater Song.” Here are the lyrics:
If you want to destroy my sweater
Pull this thread while I walk away
Watch me unravel
I’ll soon be naked
Lying on the floor
I’ve come undone…
In 2008, I felt like the words to that song accurately represented the unraveling of my black label designer lifestyle. It all happened so fast, and it felt very much like an organized undoing of the things I was counting on to keep me covered up and warm.
Obviously, I wasn’t happy about being exposed and naked on the floor, but early on, I figured my goal should be to get up and then find another (perhaps cheaper) sweater to pull over my head to cover up who I really am.
Maybe then, I could just get back to living some version of the life I had already started with Lou.
But as my world has continued to unravel all of these years later, I know that the threads and stitches that I’ve used to keep my inner life together have come undone on me, too. Things I thought I knew about myself, or beliefs that I thought were always going to be valid for me have started to unspool and spin out as well.
The stress and the wear and tear of living the life of a wandering vagabond have exposed me to a naked kind of truth about myself and my marriage that I wasn’t willing or able to see for years. But as with most big revelations in my life, it’s the looking back that has revealed the most perspective.
