Lou would later tell me that when he collapsed in the ER that day, he felt a warm and soothing peace wash over him.

And, he said he felt this profound relief in the giving in, and the letting go. There was something so comforting in the kaleidoscope of colors, sounds, and feelings he was experiencing, yet he knew it wasn’t time for him to fully move into that experience. There was one final and decisive tug on his body that pulled him back to the ER that day so he could keep fighting. There was still more for him to do, experience and survive.

I recently read this brilliant quote from Mayo Angelou:

“Courage is the most important of all virtues because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

I’m not sure what jerked Lou back to fight another day. Maybe it was me… Or, the fact that God knew I really needed my husband. Perhaps it was Lou’s legacy or the witness he will have one day because of the unique life God has given him.

But after hearing all about Lou’s experience in the ER, I do know this:

Finally surrendering yourself over to God must be filled with bliss… But living requires extreme courage.

Nothing is easy for anyone in this world, but when I look back on my life, it’s the times when I was able to find an unexpected reserve of courage to move forward — with nothing but my faith — that God could finally start to create the most useful and consistent virtues in my character.