By the time I arrived at my sister-in-law’s house in Dallas, Lou was fast asleep.
Dona said that the doctors at the ER were able to isolate that Lou had taken a natural supplement that had an anti-inflammatory ingredient that also thinned his blood. This had obviously made Lou’s bleeding much more significant, but on the plus side, it had relieved some of the pressure Lou’s prostate was creating on his bladder.
The doctor did mention to Lou and Dona that blood loss could start to be a factor for Lou, and we would need to keep an eye on things in that area leading up to Lou’s surgery. Blood loss was kind of a concern I had in the back of my mind, but this was the first time a medical person had mentioned it.
At that point in time, Lou had been experiencing significant blood loss for more than three solid weeks. Lou was very, very lucky that he was such a healthy and strong man; most people, the doctor said, would’ve required a blood transfusion by this time.
But Lou was mercifully hovering just above the markers.
His body was definitely depleted, and he was indeed really sick. But the doctor released Lou from the ER a few hours before I got to Dallas, and Dona said Lou went straight to bed. He was exhausted, and I’m sure, totally overwhelmed.
After Dona made me a lovely cup of my favorite hot beverage — hot water with lemon — I was ready for bed, too. So I hugged my amazing sister-in-law (and dear friend) good night and went upstairs to get ready for bed. I didn’t want to disturb Lou, so I fished out my toiletry bag from my suitcase before I entered the guest room. Then, I padded to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.
I felt so tired and dirty — but at least I was with Lou, and we were staying with his family now. That was such a relief. But when I entered the guest bathroom, the sight overwhelmed me.
Poor Lou.
The amount of blood he’d been dealing with on his own was clearly pretty horrible. As I took in the mess and noted the feeble attempts Lou made to clean up, another wave of emotions took me by surprise. My husband was really sick… And, this was so scary!
When I looked in the vanity under the sink, I found a pack of the same “natural orange” scented cleaning wipes that had exploded in my purse. As soon as a recognized the package, the tears started to fall. This time, though, the tears were honestly about what was happening to Lou. I wanted to wipe away all of his awfulness for him as easily as I could wipe away the evidence of his miserable day. I wanted to make everything perfect and good for him again… But I knew I couldn’t. And, I had to accept that.
There are parts of this experience that bonded me to Lou, while other parts were slowly pulling us apart. But there are two completely untouchable parts that hold my marriage together even now: God, and the love that I have for my husband.
So I remember resolving in my heart that night to be a better wife to Lou.
I would let him have his space when he needed it; and, I would be right there to help him when he wanted me to be. I wouldn’t make this whole situation about me, or my needs — like I started doing in the car on the way to Florida. I would find a way to increase my courage and stay the course. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I knew I needed to try.
The catharsis of these feelings was made easier by the deep cleaning I did in the bathroom that night. I couldn’t rest until everything was sterilized and fresh. I had to take care of the mess not just because Dona might be put out, but because this was the closest place to my own home now, too, and I needed to make things perfect. I had to make it so Lou could wake up in the morning and know that the day ahead was going to be fresh and good.
