Aren’t you glad we stop counting our age in months after we hit two-years-old?
I am. I have a birthday this month, and if we were keeping track of age in months, I’d have to say I was 576-months-old — which sound Biblically old to me! But, I for one, am really lucky we don’t count the passing of our years in months because as it turns out, I’m not all that good at keeping track of numbers in general when it comes to my age.
Because for the past year of my life, I thought I already was 48-years-old.
But it turns out, I was only 47!
I thought I was about to enter the last year of my 40’s on this birthday, and in many ways, I was kind of excited about that. (I know… I’m weird.) But when I was on the phone with this woman who was giving me a quote on some supposedly better auto-insurance, it was revealed to me that I’d have to wait two years instead of one more to qualify for the “50+ safe driver’s discount!”
When the stranger on the other end of the line pointed that out to me, my first reaction was, “Um. No. You’re wrong. Maybe you shouldn’t be working with numbers as an insurance agent.” But then, I stopped to think about it. I looked at my driver’s license to verify that 1971 is my date of birth. Then I pulled up the calculator app on my phone and subtracted 1971 from 2019…and boom! The lady was right!
And boom! I’m turning 48-years-old again this month!
Honestly, the very first thing I thought when I realized I’d been adding a year to my age was, “Who does that?!”
But I have to tell you, I was so embarrassed when all of this became clear to me — not because of the insurance quote lady situation, but because I’ve told several people that I’m turning 49 this year… And, as you already know, I work with a lot of wedding planners, and it’s not unusual for them to start planning parties for other people a year in advance!!
So I really felt the need to clear up this situation in a big way, or else I might end up walking into a surprise birthday party next September to celebrate the BIG 5-0 when I’m still the LESS BIG 4-9!!
Murp.
What’s wrong with me? Who doesn’t know their own age? A 24-month-old, I suppose, but surely not a 576-month-old!! I’ve been thinking about this funny lapse in my lifetime accounting, and I do have a few theories about such a stupid miscalculation on my part:
Theory 1: I feel older these days. My body hurts here and there, and I don’t recover as quickly from my “more active days” than I used to. So it feels like I’m closing in on the next decade of my life where there seems to be this mental permission to be more gentle on yourself, and, to not expect things to feel the same as they used to. When someone turns 50, I at least think, “Oh. Aches and pains make sense… So take it easy on yourself, you 50-year-old rock star!” I guess I was looking forward to turning that statement back on to myself more than I realized!!
Theory 2: I’m tired of this decade of my life. My forties have been wonderful in many ways, but the reality is, I’ve probably experienced some of the most difficult seasons of my life during my 40’s. The Imposition Tour pretty much started in full-force the year I turned 40. Lou and I started living out of our car — and Lou was so very sick on my 41st birthday — so I hardly remember celebrating anything that first year. And to be really specific, every major personal heartache I’ve ever had in my life feels like it happened during my 40’s. So I’m kind of ready to move on…
Theory 3: I’ve always been racing toward another year. I don’t like to talk about it all that much, but my experience with having cancer did a tap-dance on my soul, I suppose. And when doctors are giving you estimates of “how much longer” you will live, measuring your life in terms of months takes on a whole new reality! But I think in my heart, I’ve always felt like those kinds of estimates are distractions because you literally only get your life one-minute-at-a-time, and it’s just greedy to try to steal a moment from the ones you aren’t entitled to in the first place! Yet the fighter and the competitive side of me likes to beat the odds, or show up as the underdog you never expected to see blazing across that finish line! So getting older doesn’t really bother me in the same way as it might bother someone else. In fact, I clearly get excited about adding another year to my life spreadsheet!!
I’m sure a combination of all three of my theories are at work in me, but I feel the need to pause and find a place to center myself this year. I believe if I place my intentions into the mix of my theories, this year will be added to my life story with much more grace. So here’s how I plan to set my new focus as I turn 48 (again):
I will thank my body for all of the ways it continues to thrive and support me every day, and, I will honor my knees and lower back with a bit more patience when they are in the process of healing.
I will bless my past for all it’s given me — perspective, perseverance, increased faith, enduring love, and a butt load of incredible experiences and stories I can now share with others.
And…I will slow down and enjoy each moment of my life as it comes to me — with no expectations for more than I have right now — but with hope for fuller and more profound experiences that will only settle in my heart if I’m steady and open to how these experiences choose to unfold inside of me.
