Steve told Lou that he thought Paola was just having her “bad week,” and that we should feel free to stay for a little longer if we needed to.
He clearly felt bad for us, but honestly, Lou and I were ready to leave, too. It’s incredibly exhausting to be a full time imposer, and there’s only so many ways you can cope with the pressure. Steve also felt horrible about the Mercedes and the whole tire incident. Right after that debacle, Steve gave Lou the keys to this giant gunmetal gray Hummer.
I remember the first time Lou and I drove the Hummer to his office, I couldn’t stop laughing! We looked so ridiculous! We made a quick stop at Whole Foods that morning to get some coffee, and I took a picture of Lou posing like he was Arnold Schwarzenegger (with a catheter).
Ugh…
Lou and Steve finally came to an agreement where Lou would get a monthly allowance to rent a car until we could buy or lease one on our own. So Lou booked us another rental SUV a few hours after Paola and I had our chat.
The next day, we packed up all of our things — which didn’t amount to much — and said goodbye to the nanny. She was so sad to see us go. I think she really loved Lou. She always seemed so lonely, and her eyes would brighten every time Lou would love up on her by making a fuss over her cooking.
Even though we could barely understand one another, kindness is a universal language that everyone understands.
But thankfully, Lou and I weren’t totally on our own after that. My friend, Leslie, came through for us (again!) by getting us her family rate at a series of Marriott properties in South Florida. The only catch was, we could only stay at each hotel she reserved for us for three days at a time.
So for the next 18 days, we flopped around like two slowly dying fish, checking in and out of hotels all over South Florida. It was impossible to ever get too comfortable at any one place, and, Lou was still wearing his catheter for most of this period of time — which placed all of the heavy lifting on me. But somehow, we managed.
I do remember Lou and I hunkering down and weathering a full-blown tropical storm while we were staying on Ft. Lauderdale Beach. Watching that moody storm roll in off of the Atlantic Ocean was incredible. And, it gave me such a strange reality check. I had nothing but Lou to lose in that storm. If the tropical storm suddenly turned into a hurricane, and blew in with a swirling power that wiped out the whole strip, as long as I had Lou, and we were safe, I had my most important possession with me.
That thought was very heady and strangely liberating at the same time.
But Lou’s lingering health issues made me feel vulnerable about that most of the time, too. The stress in our lives would never seem to let up, and I knew Lou was pushing himself too hard. Lou was eventually able to have the catheter removed, but he was incredibly feeble and his energy levels were easily depleted. And, once his catheter was out, we were constantly on the lookout for bleeding issues again.
When I look back on this time in our lives, there were countless let downs and disappointments in my memories.
But maybe one of the worst ones — especially for Lou — was when we couldn’t attend one of his affectionate niece’s weddings in Mississippi. We’d been planning to use some frequent flier miles to fly into Jackson, and then spend a week with some of the best friends we have in this world to help them celebrate their beautiful daughter and her new husband before we came back to Miami.
The day before we were planning to leave, things were looking all clear, and we were so excited. So we checked into a hotel right next to the airport so we could catch an early morning flight the next morning. It was one of the first times I can remember a happy version of Lou — he needed his Home Boys, and I needed a place to crash with friends who really love us.
But in the middle of the night, Lou got up to use the bathroom, and I heard him let out a horrible moan. I never slept very well back then, and so when he called out, I was instantly by his side, ready to help. But this time, I couldn’t do anything.
Lou was bleeding again — I mean really bleeding.
It was one of the most devastating moments in my memory because we had so little to look forward to at that time, and I think Lou and I had accidentally put all of our hopes in that trip to Mississippi. And, the fall from a place of extreme hope hurts so much.
So once we came to terms with the fact that we were grounded, we experienced a couple of very dark hours when I felt certain that we couldn’t make it for much longer. But there was no space in our lives for a long drawn out pity party. We had to keep looking ahead, and we had to keep it together so we could overcome the latest challenge:
Lou was bleeding again.
On top of the blood, ever since Lou had the catheter removed, he was also experiencing a new symptom — excruciating bladder cramps. They would come in waves, and when a spasm would hit, Lou would collapse in pain — which meant we had to stay idle most of the time just to make sure Lou could cope. I have incredibly vivid memories of sitting next to Lou when he was doubled, trying to figure out how I could absorb some of the awfulness for him.
Everything that was happening to us right then felt like the worst possible circumstances, but what could we do?
