I want to pre-warn you that the following post is heavy.
Hence, the silly praying frog in the header… It’s my attempt to lighten things up! (I love those little frogs!!) But this post — and perhaps several more in the near future — is me trying to organize some thoughts about my faith.
So… Perhaps this post should come with a double warning about the heft of these thoughts, as well as a heads-up that I’m openly acknowledging my Christianity here. And, I’m stepping into a topic where I don’t have a lot of answers, but rather…I mostly just have questions. I often suspect that the reason the mention of faith and religion in mixed circles has the power to polarize so easily is that people with certainty in their beliefs can sometimes land like they have all the answers. And maybe in one way or another, they do have answers — and in one particular case, the only answer — but how that kind of knowledge lands can even be off-putting to me!
Anyway.
I have such a deep certainty in my faith, and I am not shy about admitting that I read my Bible every day in an earnest search for the answers to my questions in this life. And even though I’ve never read the Bible without coming away with some sense of peace or understanding to apply to my life, many of the questions I have these days don’t simply have black or white answers you can find inside of a given verse or passage of scripture. Lately, my questions are more nuanced and messy… And, I for one, am not looking for a legalistic way to pick apart a conundrum by cherry-picking Bible verses, and…I am not looking for a way to be “right” or “wrong” about the issues that are burdening my mind.
Rather, I’m trying to understand if I should ACT or BE STILL as a Christian in this world.
I have dozen of topics on my mind that I’m pondering and praying about these days, but there is this one in particular that really, really has me rattled. It’s the topic of human trafficking — and more specifically, sex trafficking in America. (And I thought “outing” myself as a Christian was a tricky thing to write about…)
For several years now, I’ve been spiritually burdened by this very real…activity happening all around me, and I wish I knew how to respond to all of it in a useful way! I feel sickened by the thought that I’ve probably passed a young girl in my midst who is being sexually abused because this reality is happening every day in my backyard and yours. It’s pervasive and rampant, and I’m disgusted by all of it, but for right now, the only thing I know how to do is pray about it.
So that’s what I do.
I pray.
Every single day.
As you already know, I’m an avid podcast binger, and during this hiatus I’m taking from the production of my own podcast (NERD ALERT with Sonja Bentley), I’ve up’d my consumption of new content. So for the past two weeks, I’ve been subscribing to all sorts of new stuff to listen to on my hikes, and true to form, every podcast I’m listening to right now is inspiring so many thoughts and so much fodder to apply to my life, and of course, for the next season of my series!
But this one new series came up on my podcast feed that made me more than just hesitate.
I wasn’t sure if I should listen to it or not because I knew the content was going to be dark, and, I knew it would affect me on a deeper, more complicated level. It’s a new podcast that very recently came out about Jeffery Epstein called, The Mysterious Mr. Epstein. Clearly it’s going to be an expose of sorts about this twisted man and how he was a prolific sex trafficker. And, I know without even listening to the trailer that this series will be all about manipulation, politics…cover-ups…and wealth. So when I saw the first four episodes in the mix of options I have to listen to, I wasn’t sure if I should.
I decided to give it a beat and listen to something else on my hike that first day, and when I got up to my favorite spot to rest and ponder, I prayed. There is so much I don’t know about the deeper realities of sex trafficking, and usually, when I hear of stories of sexually abused women who’ve gotten so tangled up in this trafficking mess, I only hear about it once the situation has been exposed and called out into the open. But I don’t think I fully understand how things get set in motion…
Or just how many people are complicit in this criminal activity because they never act or call the sick things they witness into question. And when I thought about that reality, I started to think about my own life, and how I live and walk in my faith.
There are so many verses I have in my heart about living “as a stranger” to the world around me and keeping myself out of the messiness that sin causes in this world. Scriptures about doing my best to keep myself “pure and blameless” and out of harm’s way echo in my mind so often, and there is such wisdom in keeping your nose out of trouble, and your mind on good, true, and beautiful things.
And…there is such value in keeping your mind isolated from the dark and perverted ways of the world. I know that, and I am a firm believer that keeping your thoughts out of the gutter and your mind on positive Truths is essential to living a Light-filled life. Dwelling on God’s goodness and grace are two of the things I love to do when I reach my favorite overlook on my hikes every day. I find such comfort and peace in tucking into my faith that way.
But recently, I’ve started to wonder if walking around in this ignorant kind of bliss prevents me from being useful? If I only allow myself to live inside of this contained bubble of my faith, and I don’t open my eyes to see what’s going on around me, will I ever be able to understand the plight of others? And more importantly, when I see what’s happening around me, will my faith compel me to act in the right way when someone needs some help, or will I stay still out of fear for how mixing in might harm me?
I’m not sure…
All of those questions — and dozens more — sat in my stomach like a heavy rock on my hike yesterday. For the past five years, I’ve felt an honest burden in my soul for this issue of sex trafficking, yet the only thing I’ve ever been able to do is pray. And while I believe prayer is no small thing, I also can’t get over how physically upsetting it is to me when I learn of the stories of women on the other side of all of this horror in our midst.
I don’t believe listening to this or any other podcast is the answer to my personal convictions — but I do know that for me, once I start gaining insight into a specific story, clarity in my being almost always appears. And if I’m being totally transparent with you, I’m less afraid about what a story like the Jefferey Epstein story will clarify about him and this world, and more concerned about what this story will reveal about the activity level of my faith.
So I’m going to start listening to The Mysterious Mr. Epstein. I’m sure it will bother me — because all of the stories I’ve read about him have left a pretty ugly impression on me. And while I likely won’t binge this series — and, I’ll completely fill my podcast line-up with loads of other content to inspire me in more uplifting ways — I do plan to ponder what I learn…and out of that kind of thinking, I hope I will know exactly how to…
