We have an outdoor shower off of our bedroom, and it overlooks the Merlot vines in the vineyard we live in.
Lou takes his shower out there every single day — rain or shine, and even when the temps dip down into the high 30’s. As for me, I’m always an indoor kind of girl, especially when it comes to taking a shower. It’s just where I feel the most in control, and where I can get every part of me the cleanest…However, I will confess that I think this one thought every time I take a shower:
Is showering outside really as awesome as Lou says it is?
Recently, our adorable “niece” from Mississippi came for a visit with her boyfriend, and the fact that her man took his shower outside kind of jumped him to the top of my list as a total keeper! He was awesome in every-other-way, too, but for some reason, I like people who are willing to do things that I can’t seem to allow myself to do. They kind of inspire me, I suppose.
I’m in a bit of a down-turn in my daily grind these days, and while I don’t love being in this headspace, I’m OK with it. I understand that there is no way you can live on the mountaintops of life forever and not get bored or complacent. You need valleys and dreary times of introspection to grow and to change. But this little dip has created kind of a stillness in me that I don’t know how to comprehend.
So I was pondering some thoughts today about the way I tend to cling to certain things in my life — or “forms” if you will.
I get it in my head that something “should be like this,” or “used to be like this,” or “needs to be this way” in order for me to understand it, or to embrace it as “good,” or, to frame things up as if my current state of affairs is where I am “supposed to be.” It’s almost like I rely on these very specific set of life metaphors I’ve built up in my past experiences to create a map for myself, and that map never varies because I won’t allow it to. So I find I keep ending up in a version of this same valley — which can sometimes be more extreme, but most of the time, it’s just incredibly annoying.
[DETOUR] Sorry for interrupting this flow of thoughts, but something just jumped to mind about my “life metaphor” statement. When I was around six or so, my mom bought me this line of clothing at J.C. Penny’s called Garanimals. It was this clever line that had these genius tags with cute animals on them that told you which pants to match with which shirt so your kid always looked spiffy and put together. For me, this was an incredibly awesome system that gave order to my wardrobe. And because I am the way I am, I never wore my “monkey” pants with my “hippo” shirt — even though my mom made that outrageous suggestion a few times.
But what I see now is how comfortable I want to believe pre-planned thinking and orchestrated outcomes can feel for me. I’m attracted to the orderly flow, and the presumption of things I think I can predict. However, as I get to know myself on a deeper level, I’m starting to fully understand that my Spirit and the artist inside of me is growing restless and tired of bumping into the same old thresholds I set for myself. And, now that I’m finally being honest with myself, I can admit that I’m positively bored with the way I’m trying to progress things in my life these days.
For me, real change often starts with itsy-bitsy changes — even if they seem unrelated to my writing or the various pursuits I have in my heart. Changing up one simple habit or personal ritual — like skipping my hike in the vineyards behind my house, and walking a residential route instead, or, washing my sheets on a Saturday or a Monday — instead of on Sunday like I always do — can create tiny reality checks that prove to me that doing things differently doesn’t kill me.
Or…like taking a shower outside, in the rain when it’s 46 degrees outside?
