Someone I’m very close to told me they don’t read my blog.
This person said they have read it, but they find my posts to be “boring.” I’m pretty sure that quite a few other people in my life who I’m very connected to don’t read my blog either. These people never talk to me about any of my posts, and sometimes, they even mention things I’ve blogged about as if it was a brand new conversation for me.
To protect my heart (and my friendships), I never ask people if they’re reading my blog, and, I guess if they never bring it up, I just figure many of my close connections are very busy people and my blog takes too long to read. And, perhaps they also think they get enough of me because they know me and have direct access to me whenever they want it.
But the “boring” comment really stung.
And, it also made me wonder if many of my other friends actually don’t like my writing all that much either.
I’ve written several posts in the past about how I think social sharing creates this tendency to post negative words and thoughts about perfect strangers that the poster would never say directly to the stranger’s face. And, I’ve made the argument on my blog — and in my mind — that careless words on social media hurt so much because sometimes you can’t defend yourself without creating an unintended war of words on the various social platforms. Those sentiments are still true for me.
But being told something that hurts to hear directly to your face isn’t any better.
Particularly if the words aren’t coming from a perfect stranger, but rather, a friend.
But you should know that the honesty of this person is accepted by me. I love this person very much, and even though their opinion matters more to me than most, I’d much rather know the truth. I’d be even more gutted if this person was merely placating me. So no matter how embarrassed and hurt the comment made me feel, on a grand scale, I do believe everyone is entitled to their honesty, and I value that aspect of our relationship more than my feelings about how this person feels about my blog. Plus, if this person finds my writing boring and better to avoid — and if we’re going to remain genuinely connected — then I’m just going to have to find the grace inside of me to be OK with that.
As I write that statement, I do want to confess that I’m not totally OK with all of that just yet, but I will be. I can already feel myself wrapping my heart and mind around the larger realities at play when it comes to how it feels to be a writer with a lot to say, and a desire to share my words, thoughts, and stories with others. So far, it’s been a complex terrain for a writer like me, and I’m just now starting to fully accept that I need to traverse the peaks and the valleys with the same kind of bold and confident strides — because this is my journey.
So while I wish that I could count on the people I love the most to honestly like my writing, I realize I can’t hit the mark for everyone. There is so much to consume these days and so many ways to connect stories and ideas to audiences of people — so people have to choose wisely for themselves. And there simply can’t be one singular way to write a blog or a book or a story that will engage every possible reader.
No writer can do that, and of that, I’m certain.
…
Oh dear… I still feel a little defensive inside, so please allow me to unpack a few more thoughts…
…
When it comes to content that can elicit opinions, I do believe there are instances of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” in this world where people rally around something because they want to believe they like it, or because the right people “told them” it’s great art. For example, I once had an exchange with a grandmotherly woman at one of my book signings for Hurricane Season back in 2007. She picked up my book and read the jacket. I stood there awkwardly — because book signings can be super uncomfortable for me — and finally, the lady said, “I only read books Oprah approves. Sorry.” Then she put my book back on the table and waddled away.
OK…? Poor old gal. She must not be doing that much reading anymore. (So talk about boring!)
But for me, I think I’d rather know the naked truth about myself in the eyes of someone else than to be duped into believing I’m something I’m not. And, I believe I’d rather not find my greatest value in someone else’s endorsement of my work versus its stand-alone merit with someone who decides for themselves that my content is worth reading. I realize that fact will always make me more vulnerable and in a perpetual state of disappointment. But my consistent reaction to all of my emotional highs and lows is the same. My feelings always make me want to write — which makes my ups and downs quite useful to me, in fact…
Even if it turns out that no one is reading anything I write!
But on the flip side of that, it’s a very complicated reality to unpack whenI’m trying to thrive as a writer in a world where the critic’s voice is often the only one I can hear, and for whatever reason, nothing I do ever seems to make the cut. I really agonize over that reality because I don’t know how to be more than I am to make a critic value me the way I’d like to be valued — but, I also don’t want to be writing the way I do just to gain that kind of favor.
I just want to do my best and always be myself…
Even if some people might think the real me is boring.
Murp.
Because writing this blog comes with a lot of experiences like this one, I can always find some comfort from listening to interviews with other writers I admire and who have done big things in their careers. I recently listened to an interview with Andrew Stanton (who is most famous for his Pixar movies) about his major box office flop, John Carter. His genuine storyteller’s heart and his willingness to explore things like loneliness and being misunderstood always moves me, and the way he unpacked the heartache of a critical failure was deeply important to me.
And, of course, when I listen to [NERD ALERT] this writer’s roundtable podcast I’m very fond of, there are always discussions about how these incredibly famous writers experience and handle various forms of sometimes very harsh criticism. So far, I’ve never heard a single interview where a writer hasn’t expressed how difficult it is to overcome the critics out there. And while I always feel their pain, I also feel so understood, and like I’m not insane for constantly trying. As they say, misery loves company, but my fellow storyteller’s ability to turn a bad experience into a lesson he or she can share with others is something I live for!
So maybe I should to just wrap things up this way:
There will always be critics out there — and they might even end up being the people I deeply love. (And I do hope to reach a point in my own honesty where that is sincerely OK with me!) Thankfully, though, there will also be fans, too — because I already have a few, and they constantly keep me going! But as long as people have the freedom of opinion and a free will to define for themselves the things they do and don’t like, people like me will need to find a way to be at peace with all of the positives and negatives…
