There’s this word that’s been following me around this week. It’s the word “enough.”
I have this memory of my mom using this word with me when I got a little lippy, or if I was lobbying too hard for something I wanted. She’d say, “Sonja — that’s enough!” Even as a kid, that response struck me as a generous way to tell me to shut up because within that statement, it seemed like my mom was always willing to hear my words and opinions, but she had her limits.
But it isn’t this memory of my mom that’s been making the word “enough” stick around this week. Rather, it’s something else completely. I’ve been doing a lot of extra journaling — which is typically the case at the start of a new year — and part of my process has been to ask myself questions so I can seek out fresh answers and responses to the things that are filling up my heart and mind with worries or concerns. And without realizing it, or even meaning to, there have been quite a few questions on the pages of my journal for the past week that employ the word “enough.”
Do I know enough about what I want to do?
Am I strong enough for what’s next?
Have I done enough to be worthy?
Am I good enough at what I’m doing to succeed?
I’ve asked myself these questions before in my life, but this year, I really want to mine for gold in my process and come up with a better plan to pull myself out of this stuck place I’ve been in for so long. But then on a hike, I was listening to a [NERD ALERT] podcast called “Finding Fred,” and I suddenly found myself applying the word “enough” to my life in a whole new way.
The podcast is absolutely wonderful. It’s a look back at the life and work of Mister Rogers and the impact he had on people. I’ve actually cried a couple of times while listening to this series because some of the stories are so heartbreakingly beautiful, and Mister Rogers showed an almost angelic presence in the lives of people he interacted with. His kindness is renowned, but this podcast dug so much deeper into the well of empathy this man displayed for others, and it’s been profound and inspiring to listen to.
But in a couple of different episodes, a question is posed almost rhetorically by the host, Carvell Wallace, and that question is:
“Did Mister Rogers do enough?”
The question gets wedged into a couple of different episodes in subtle ways, and for the most part, I feel like that question begs for an answer no one other than the late Mister Rogers himself could answer. Because from the outside looking in, I can’t imagine a person who has done more for others than this childhood friend… And in a way, I’d say he did more than just “enough.” He went beyond the threshold of “good” and to me at least, he modeled exactly how people can connect and get along — even when they don’t agree.
But when I try to imagine living with a heart as tender as his, if there is even one child or one person still walking around feeling misunderstood or forgotten, I believe Mister Rogers would wish he could’ve done more. The pool of pain and sadness in this world continues, and this tricky world can be so confusing for children (and adults) of any age. And in my opinion, the clear and calming voice of Mister Rogers would be so welcome…and so I believe he’d still feel like he needed to do more to help.
When all of these thoughts started to organize in my mind, that’s when that word “enough” first stuck out the most on my list of January journal questions. All of my questions were born out of an insecurity that lurks inside of me that is basically dragging me down into a belief that I’m really not enough in the grand scheme of the life I’m trying to live. My feelings of inadequacy or my lack of focused direction all make me question my worth and my worldly value so much, and so measuring myself against a nebulous and truly arbitrary word like “enough” seems like the safest way to judge or question myself.
Because how much is ever “enough?”
But when I was listening to cutaways in the podcast of Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, I could feel my five-year-old self watching him change his shoes and then put on a puppet show just for me. And in that puppet show, Mister Rogers told me he likes me as I am. In the most simple ways, he told me I’m enough, and the things I do and say make me unique and valuable because no one else can do “me” the way I do…
I like remembering those feelings from childhood, and I still find myself slowing down inside and being kinder to myself when Mister Rogers is guiding my thoughts in tandem with his. And while it’s been incredibly helpful to reset some of my internal thoughts about who I am and what I’m all about, the latest questions I’ve added to my January journal are inspired in my adult mind by the adult version of this childhood friend.
In a way, I feel like Mister Rogers showed up in this podcast to remind my little self that I’m not forgotten, and I’m always exactly who I need to be. He hugged out my worries in a way that only Mister Rogers could, and then he set me up to have a better day. But then he did something new. Learning about his heart and his life as an adult gave my grown-up heart a different sense of understanding, and because I was listening to this podcast with the reminder that I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be, Mister Rogers could inspire me to show up in my life with others on my mind, just like he did. So now I must ask myself some different “enough” questions:
Am I kind enough to others on a daily basis?
Do I give enough of myself to the people around me?
Do I have enough empathy for others — even when I don’t their story?
Will there ever be enough love inside of me to make a difference in the life of someone I don’t know?
Maybe some of these enough questions are rhetorical ones I just need to ponder because the answers to them are still too big to get my arms around. But in all of the small and tiny ways Mister Rogers encouraged me with his simple acts of kindness, his genuine interest in others, and his willingness to see all people with dignity and understanding, there’s a model there for how to be enough.
