Post # 02: Just A Thought
Two weeks ago, Lou and I joined some of our closet friends in the Wine Country for a meal and a time of sharing.
Every person gathered around the table that night has been a big part of the past five years of my life as Lou and I have tried to figure out how to make a fresh start in the wine industry.
Anyway, our host — who is a very good friend named Anthony — asked us to each share a few thoughts about what we are working on in our lives and in our businesses at the start of a new year. As the stories started to come forward, we talked about so many things. Compassion, vision, the value of meditation, what it means to be
Fear.
Once fear came into the picture, everyone started sharing how fear of failure and the fear of making the wrong choices were complicating things. Without exception, everyone had something to say about fear, but it was our friend, Richie, who snagged on something I decided to ponder for myself. Richie is starting a new venture that is pretty ambitious, but he really believes it’s going to work. However, there are days that his self-talk can plague him, and a negative conversation can start to build in his head. So Richie decided to name his fear… And he calls it “Leon.”
We all chuckled, but I actually really liked the idea of naming that annoying voice that tells you all of the ways you’re wrong for moving forward with faith and conviction. To personify the voice seems to offer up a way to collect the nebulousness of fears’ attacks, and as Richie said, “Now when I feel fear creeping in, I just tell Leon to shut up and get out of my mind.”
Beat it, Leon!
For months now, I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve allowed fear to dominate my thoughts — especially when it comes to this blog, and my future endeavors as I relaunch my career. For the better part of ten years, I’ve been stifled and contained, and fear is pretty much the biggest reason for my hibernation. So I’ve been listening to podcasts and reading other blogs to get my head in check, but Richie’s technique really inspired me. (Thank you, Richie!) I don’t want that terrible voice in my head anymore, and I need to take some personal control over how my fears enter into my thought life.
So I’ve named my fear, too. Her name is Paprika.
She’s this red, sometimes spicy, sometimes mild seasoning that permeates my thoughts more than I want her to. She can be so subtle in the right doses, but now that she has a color to go with her name, I can instantly spot her in the mixture of my thoughts so clearly now. I will acknowledge that at times, Paprika has been useful in my life — because, after all, fear can be a protective instinct that serves a person well when actual danger is lurking around the corner.
But I think I’ve allowed Paprika to season way too many of my thought these days. I’ve let her pour too much of her powdery existence into my thought life, and it’s her fiery heat that can trick me into believing my red hot fears are real, and that’s when my challenges and obstacles start to seem insurmountable or too daunting to overcome.
Ever since I named Paprika, I feel more empowered. I can suss out the quality of my deeper thoughts and see things better now that my fear has a name. My mom always told me when I was growing up that if I could name my fears, then I could deal with them better. She was right. (My mom was always right.) But by giving the voice of fear a real name, I think the battle between my fears and my faith is going to put Paprika in the corner.
