Sometimes I eavesdrop on strangers.
But please know that I’m not doing that kind of thing on purpose. It’s just that sometimes, I’m doing something near a couple of people who are talking, and I can’t help but overhear what’s being said. And please know that I don’t usually do anything tricky with the information I hear — other than giggle, I suppose. But today, I feel compelled to write about a conversation I overheard because this particular conversation convicted me.
So here goes…
Yesterday, I was at the store buying a few cleaning supplies and I ended up in the check-out line behind these two young girls. They both looked to be in their early 20’s, and as I nestled into the line, I couldn’t help but notice them because they were talking pretty loudly. At first, I didn’t really hear what they were saying — I was very tired, you see, and I just wanted to pay for my little stash of cleaning staples and get on my merry way.
But the line was hardly moving, and so eventually, I found myself listening in on what these young girls were saying. Based on what I could piece together, I think they had been to a party the night before, and one of the girls saw a guy she had maybe been on a date with before? But the guy seemed to be with another girl at this party. Now, I don’t know for certain if that’s exactly what was being discussed, but that’s what it sounded like to me.
Anyway.
The girls were standing directly in front of me in line, and the girl on my left was the one who had the most to say, and the girl on my right was mostly just being supportive. But both girls were talking as if they didn’t care who heard them, so even if I didn’t want to be involved in their chat, somehow, I was.
So based on what I overheard, here’s a somewhat fictionalized sample from my incredibly tired mind:
LEFT GIRL: “Liiiike, I mean, we literally just saw each other last week, I mean, liiike, seriously?”
RIGHT GIRL: “Like, I know. I literally remember you telling me about him.”
LEFT GIRL: “Right? I mean, like, I would literally understand if we didn’t have a connection, but I literally felt like we did, and like…what the…??”
RIGHT GIRL: “Like… I know.”
LEFT GIRL: “And like, I literally have text messages from him on my phone right now…from, like, yesterday!”
The number of times these two girls used “like” and “literally” when they were talking started to literally amuse me — UNTIL, all of a sudden, I thought about how often I use both words, too! In fact, I even had a fresh memory in my mind from explaining something to a wedding planner I was working for over the weekend when I was recapping something odd that happened at the wedding. And to be more specific, I could literally recall emphasizing what I was saying by chucking a completely unnecessary “literally” into the mix just because I wanted my friend to join me in my disbelief.
Oh boy…
And.
If I’m being evenly critical of myself…
Then I also need to confess that I’m literally guilty of misusing the word “like” sometimes, too.
Somehow, the “valleyspeak” use of the word “like” as a set-up in a sentence has permanently slipped into the rotation of the American English lexicon, and now, it seems to me that it’s difficult — and maybe even impossible — for some people to share a story without peppering the word “like” into the flow. And when I say “some people,” sadly, I must include myself!
Why in the world do I do that?
Is it a mimic reflex in me that triggers it?
Or do the words “like” and “literally” do something else for me?
I literally spent my entire drive home from the store pondering this reality in my own vocabulary, and the good news is, I did come to a couple of conclusions. My first thought is that my over-use of both words is cultural and trendy, I suppose. I pick up little things from people around me all the time — and I’m not just referring to “literally” and “like.” One of the greatest influences of the catchphrases I use in my life is my husband. And while he doesn’t really use the words “like” or “literally”, Lou does have this adorable way of setting up a sentence that has always inspired me.
Since we first met, my husband has called me “Buddy”… which I absolutely adore.
And, Lou often calls me “Baby” — especially when he has a question — and “Baby” is said with his charming redneck accent, of course!
And the first time Lou called me “Sugar” or “Sugar Toe,” I was literally hooked!
Ask anyone who knows me even a little bit and they will tell you those are all go-to names of endearment I like to use with people I really like. So I know I have a word parrot living inside of me that gathers up terms and words I hear a lot in my own private lexicon. And I guess that means I need to accept the fact that the use of the word “like” is surely in that mix, too. Everyone I know uses that word here and there, and so I’m positive I over-use it when I talk.
But the word “literally” is a bit more complicated for me than that.
In journalism school, the use of that word was considered to be taboo in your writing at least because it should always be implied that your reporting is the very definition of the word “literal” — which means that all of the words you write in your story can be understood in their most basic and normal definition and are completely void of metaphor or allegory. There is no need to qualify your reporting as literal or metaphorical because if you’re just reporting the facts, by definition, your words should be literal.
So I think I’ve always been sensitive to that word as a result of my writing education — and, whenever I think about a sentence I’ve just said that includes the word “literally” in it, I can feel an internal red pen inside of me dramatically circling the word with a tinge of judgment.
Yet…for some reason, I say it anyway.
Words really do matter to me, and the right word at the right time ticks all of my boxes, so to speak. The grammar tracking software I have on my computer gives me a weekly report about the number of unique words I use, and it even ranks me against other app users to tell me where I stand. I’m almost always in the 98% range when it comes to “unique” word choices, and my grammar usage score is consistently 60% higher than other avid users of the app — which is something I strive to keep improving!
And while the grammar app doesn’t track my use of the words “literally” and “like,” if it did, I’m sure I’d find myself right in the middle of the stats as a person who not only misuses both words, but also over-uses them, too. I suspect this need of mine to overstate things or buy myself some time by inserting a “like” here or there when I’m explaining myself isn’t all that horrible in the grand scheme of things in this life.
But as a wordsmith, I am convicted by this realization.
There is this great piece of wisdom that echoes in my mind all the time. It’s a verse actually, and it’s one my dad used to quote to me as a kid to help me curb some of my creative tendencies (or, my exaggerations, if I’m being completely truthful):
“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no,” reads the verse.
Kind of cuts to the chase, doesn’t it?
People can count you at your word if you live by that standard, my dad used to say to me. And even if there is more to the story, you don’t have to beg people to believe you if you’re known for always being plain and simple with your words. No one will need a qualifier beyond your own faithful testimony to know the words you have spoken offer up that kind of clarity. It’s tight, and it’s clean, and even if what you say doesn’t sound colorful or clever, if your words are based in honesty and truth, you’ll always be known as a person worth listening to… And, you can always dress up your honest words with the ones you choose more carefully.
This morning, I was thinking about that verse and my dad’s use of it to help me course-correct as a kid, and I do realize my use of the word “literally” is most often inserted into something I’m saying as a form of exaggeration — not necessarily to increase the truthfulness of what I’m saying. Rather, it’s this lazy way I’ve adopted to over-hype my observations, I suppose, and now that I’ve noticed it in this glaring light…
I don’t want to talk that way anymore.
It’s always so much easier for me to clean up a bad habit in my writing — because I have to think about every sentence before I write it, and, I usually re-read the sentence once I’ve typed it into my computer. Then, of course, I consider how the sentence lands in my own mind, and, I organize my own thoughts about how that sentence fits into the flow of other sentences I’ve written all around it. And if I happen to spot an unnecessary word or one that triggers that internal red pen to click into action, I can strike the word and come up with a better one before I push my words out into the world.
But when I’m just talking, there’s not as much time for that kind of multi-phase communication processing! I’m triggered, and words jump into my mind, and when I speak them, they’re out there for someone to hear. And once my words are “out there,” I really can’t take them back so I can improve them or make them more accurate. So the only thing I can really ever do to improve what I say is to work on my mind and my heart and calibrate the standards of my thoughts before they ever morph themselves into the words that come out of my mouth.
As I ponder all of this, I can’t help but think about what an amazing gift communication is. Being able to transmit a thought from my mind to yours, or to express an observation beyond my own awareness is pretty fantastic. All forms of communication are inspiring to me in their own way — art, music, writing, spoken word, dancing…meditating. I love them all — including the ones I’m not very good at using! But the quality of all expression does seem to spring from a very centered place inside of us, and how we care and cultivate expression does seem to be really important.
Perhaps I should restate that, tho: The quality of all of my expression does seem to spring from a very centered place inside of me, and how I cultivate expression is important to me. I’d like to be the kind of person who could be chatting with a friend in line at the store and the words I use are filled with generosity, clarity, kindness, and…void of exaggeration and laziness! Even if I’m talking about something mundane, I’m sincerely convicted to work on how I tell a story.
Anyway.
I guess since I’ve gotten a little more open about my faith in recent posts, I’ll leave you with one more verse that’s a total gem in my opinion, and it’s the one I’m using in my own life to help me clean up my vocabulary and expressions in my spoke words these days. It’s kind of a prayer I’m whispering to myself…and one I hope will create a better lexicon of words inside of me:
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock, and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14
