Is it ever OK for an adult to throw a temper tantrum?
I’ve been thinking about that for the past few days because I had a bizarre run-in with a woman (who I think was about my age), and, I babysat a one-year-old and a four-year-old for a couple of hours over the weekend for a good friend who needed a helping hand. The two incidents were completely unrelated, but the parallels between the two experiences were uncanny!
Allow me to explain…
For the past four years, I’ve had a side hustle as a wedding planner’s assistant. I work for quite a few Wine Country wedding planners, and I absolutely love the job! I seem well suited for it because I like to clean things, and, I’m very good at taking direction. (I like to carry out a nitpicky job as perfectly as possible because at a wedding, perfection in the details is always the goal, right?!)
Anyway. Last Saturday was my first wedding of the 2019 season, and I was working for one of my favorite planners (and human beings!). This planner knows I enjoy welcoming people to weddings — everyone is always a bit nervous and they need a little extra warmth and guidance — so I did the parking lot duties, and then, after cocktail hour, I was also that jolly gal dressed in black helping the guests find their seats for the reception.
We had just about gotten everyone moved from the cocktail hour into the barn for dinner, and the planner was getting the bride and groom ready for their formal entrance. The planner radioed me for a status report to make sure everyone was seated. There were two stragglers — a woman and her husband. They were right in front of the barn entrance, and the woman was signing the guest book. They were the very last people I needed to seat before the bride and groom (who were getting quite chilly standing outside the barn) could officially enter their party.
So I kindly said, “Excuse me, lovely, but we’re just about to open the doors for the bride and groom to enter, so I need you and your husband to take your seats, please.” The woman grunted at me. She continued writing her long-ass love letter to the couple freezing on the other side of the door. But her husband must’ve heard me because he said, “Hun? We gotta move.”
But “Hun” was still writing.
So I tried again. “This guest book will be here all evening, so I can keep your page if you like, and you can finish up later, but I really need you to take your seat now so we can let the couple enter the barn.”
“Hun” still wasn’t interested in what I needed.
The planner radioed me again to see if she could open the doors, so I whispered, “Hang on…” So I tried a third time, and this time, I was a bit more firm. “I’m so sorry, miss, but I really do need you to get to your seat right away, or at least step aside with me over here so that we can bring the couple inside. We really can’t wait.”
The woman completely ignored me (again) but I could see she was running out of room on the page for her message. The planner radioed, “Sonja? Are we clear?” Just then, the lady put the cap on the guest book pen, flipped the book closed, and then picked up a glass votive and chucked it hard at my chest! Thankfully it was a flameless candle, but the votive hit my chest with a surprising thud, and then dropped down to the ground by my feet and broke into several pieces!
The husband of the madwoman looked as shocked as I probably did, and as I watched him take his wife by the arm to escort her to their seat, he mouthed the words, “I’m so sorry…” I just blinked at him as I tried to sort out the fact that this dude’s wife just chucked a candle at me! Still a little stunned, I radioed the planner that the coast was clear, and then I gathered up the three or four pieces of glass by my feet and ducked out of the way for the “grand entrance.”
Now fast-forward to the following afternoon.
I’m sitting in an adorable little girl’s bedroom with butterflies and colorful toys everywhere you look, and I have a one-year-old girl on my lap, and a four-year-old sweet pea by my side, telling me all about a little doll she just got at Target. The baby was holding steady, but she really does love her mommy. Her mother was literally only one room away — I was helping her out by keeping her girls busy so she could catch up on some important work emails — but for this baby, on that day, one room was way too far away!
Things were going pretty well at first. I was bouncing the baby on my knees while learning all about this little toy that spits and pooh’s slim (whaaaaaat?). The baby had this small wooden block in her hand, and she seemed like it was making her happy. Until she heard her mom’s voice in the other room. It alerted something in her, and instantly, she started crying.
So I tried to bounce her a bit more, but that wasn’t working — and in fact, I think it was making it worse! So I placed her on the floor next to her big sister, hoping that the poohing, slim-eating doll would be of interest — but nope. The baby still had the block in her hand, and she was really upset now because I had just wrangled her back into my arms after she tried to make a fast break for the door. That’s when the baby tossed the wooden block at me. It gently hit my shoulder instead of my cheek — my reflexes were already practiced! The block fell to the floor, so I picked it up, and then I tried to cradle the empty-handed baby so she wouldn’t feel so upset. She wasn’t letting up, though…so I knew the only thing I could do was let her have a moment with her mommy.
Much later, when I was thinking about the back-to-back incidents involving upset humans and projectile objects, the behaviors were clearly quite similar, and perhaps…the reasons were, too.
Now I’m not saying it’s ever right for a woman to throw a candle at someone — even if it is flameless! But I am wondering what could be so awful in that woman’s life that chucking something at a person who was just doing her job made sense to her!? I totally get what was going on with the baby — her default settings are so new, and she’s only just starting to have the kind of life experiences that will teach her that a mommy on the other side of a door is still there for her even when she can’t see her. But I really have to wonder what on Earth what was going on with this party guest that made her turn into a toddler with no capacity whatsoever to act her age!
I know I’ll never understand that exchange between me and “Hun.” Her husband did offer up a verbal excuse much later that night. He said his wife took an allergy pill and then had a glass of white wine, plus, he thought, she might’ve been “hangry.” (You think?) But what struck me as worth pondering is how close to the edge of upset this woman must live that a reasonable request could send her all the way back to toddler-hood!
I suppose every human has a breaking point.
I know I’ve even had a few “temper tantrums” in the past few weeks (albeit, they were internal tantrums that didn’t involve anyone or any flying objects). I call them “tantrums” because I do feel very frustrated sometimes by how often my life doesn’t “go my way.” I have ideas and opinions about what I want and what I think I need, and when people or circumstances get in my way, I feel disgruntled inside! I don’t act out like a toddler anymore. But sometimes the feelings do build.
So I guess if I’m being honest, a good old fashioned temper tantrum does offer a bit of relief for me at times. Blowing off steam or having a good cry can be very cathartic — which was something the baby taught me that afternoon. Once she blew out her pipes and got a quick snuggle with her mommy, we sat outside on a blanket with a fig cookie and bottle of something dreamy (not wine for me — I think it was milk for the baby), and she was just fine and dandy. All was good again, which is something I think is so awesome about life. Nothing ever stays the same forever…
But just so you know, the planner I was working for last Saturday, along with this totally awesome photographer and I all kept our eye on “Hun” for the rest of the night. We did everything but sneak the votive candles off of her table for the protection of others! But in all seriousness, “Hun” looked like she was kind of a miserable lady who is never going to be happy — and that makes me feel sad for her. I still think it’s INSANE that she threw a candle at me! (Who does that, right?!)
