Post #01: Just A Thought

This morning, I went for my daily walk.

Usually I go for a hike these days, but today, I decided to walk a neighborhood route instead. It was really foggy, and the morning air was incredibly crisp, so I wore my oversized “puffer coat” to keep the chill at bay. I was just walking along, minding my own business when an early morning jogger split through the fog. She was coming up from behind me, and so I looked over my shoulder and smiled at her.

The jogger was a middle-aged woman who was in great shape. I could hear her footfalls well before I could see her, and I was surprised to see someone her age cranking out such a quick pace. When she noticed my smile, in a loud voice, she said:

“You better take your hands out of your pockets — it’s a bad, bad habit to walk with your hands constrained like that.”

Her words rattled me a bit. I guess I was expecting something more along the lines of, “Good morning,” but instead, this woman I’ve never met before was scolding me for walking with my hands in my coat pockets?

When I didn’t take my hands out of my pockets on her command, the woman slowed her pace a bit, and then turned so she was running backward.

“I’m serious. You’re creating a very bad habit right now,” she said firmly.

I felt this defensive bubble rise up my throat as she backpedalled along, waiting for me to respond. So I said, “Thanks, but my hands are cold. I’m sure I’ll be fine…” I tried to smile a little to lighten up the tone in my voice, but honestly… The whole exchange kind of sent a zing up my spine.

That seemed to be enough to get this pocket-policing stranger off my back because she turned around and started sprinting onward, leaving me a tad offended and with my balled up fists shoved deep into the pockets of my down-filled coat. I didn’t want to take my hands out of my pockets — especially because she was telling me I should do it!

Who is she to tell me what to do?

I’ve never even met that lady before!! 

And why is she so concerned about me developing a bad habit? 

Is she getting paid to endorse this very random hand-in-pocket ban to all of the chilly walkers with pocketed hands that she meets along the way?

I think I must’ve stewed on those questions for a good half mile before I noticed that my hands were getting hot and sweaty. I laughed at myself after I did a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure the jogger was nowhere near before I pulled my hands out into the open. And that’s when it hit me: 

I don’t like unsolicited advice very much.

And, maybe no one else does either.

Here I am, writing a blog that’s starting to fill up with unsolicited advice, beliefs, ideas, and personal revelations that I really hope to share with people I’ve never met! I know my intentions are to contribute some good life lessons here and there to help others avoid hardships that I’ve endured, but how can I expect anyone to read something I share with them when I’m so resistant to heeding another stranger’s words of perspective for me? 

So I want to take a moment here to stop the sharing and ask for some permission to continue. AND, I’d like to see if we can enter into an early agreement of sorts. Let’s start with the permission part:  

I’d like permission to continue depositing insights from my life into yours. I only want to offer up things I think will be helpful — even when they might seem a bit random! If that works for you, then you are always welcome to keep reading, and I will keep on posting. 

Now for the agreement:

If you do keep reading, I’d like to also ask for us to make an agreement, you and me… I’d like for us to explore an idea I’ve been pondering a lot in my personal life lately called “premeditated empathy.” 

What that means is that before I jump to any conclusions about the people I see, or the situations I witness, I’ll plan ahead to listen, learn, and seek out answers to the things I don’t understand with empathy for all other people who are involved above all else. 

I’ll do my best to set aside my first reactions to things that don’t automatically align with my point of view, and I’ll dig a bit deeper into myself to hear, see, and understand the point of view of others without judgment or restriction. Even if I do end up disagreeing or lacking the ability to fully understand a situation, the cushion of empathy I’ve decided to lead with will buffer the situation with the kind of space I believe everyone needs in this life when we’re all doing our best to figure things out.

Do you think you can do the same for me?

I guess all I can do is ask if you’ll agree to read my blog with some premeditated empathy, too. I know I’m always going to need it!

So I’ll start off this agreement between us by rewinding my reaction to the jogger with more a bit more empathy. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. And I’ll choose to believe that she meant well, and that she has a greater reason for warning me about walking with my hands in my pockets than just being a busy-body who’s on pocket patrol.

I’ll even spend some time online to see if there is some new study out there about the dangers of walking with your hands in your pockets. Who knows? Maybe I’ll learn something really useful from that effort! But no matter what I discover, I’ll do my best bless that lady in my heart right now. And then tomorrow, when I go for my hike in the chilly Northern California fog…

I think I’ll wear some gloves.