I don’t like it when my thoughts are messy. But lately, they have been…
I think I’m just coming to terms with a little case of FOMO — which is new for me. Now, I’ve had a lot of experience with FODO — Fear Of Disappointing Others — and, for years, I’ve struggled big time with FOWM — Fear Of Wasting Money. And of course, the worst one of all, FOBI — Fear Of Being Ignorant — has been known to sneak up on me when I’m in the midst of trying to do something new and outside of my comfort zone.
But this is my first real brush with the Fear Of Missing Out.
On some level, I suppose I have had bouts with FOMO in the past, but it’s never been so specific and pronounced, and it’s never shown up like a vivid mental spasm I’ve had to confront so frequently throughout my day.
When I made the decision not to attend the CPAC media conference in DC last week, it really felt like the only choice I could make. And the reality is, thanks to the relentless pain of the pinched nerve in my neck, I’ve spent most of the past eight days with my left arm raised above my head like the dorky girl in the front of the class who always needs to ask a question!
So I know I wasn’t physically well enough to keep up with the events of the conference even if I had found the will inside of me to force myself to go. Plus, with my arm in the air all the time, I may have been called on in one of the conference sessions when I really had nothing to say. (Talk about FOBI!)
But the fact that my phone started taunting me every hour on the hour once the conference started didn’t help me keep track of that peace I had when I made the choice not to go. Between the conference alerts and Twitter pings on my phone, I’ve been keenly aware of the fact that I missed out on something last week. And that has been bothering me a lot the past two days.
It’s that darn FOMO feeling that’s keeping me down!
But finally, on Sunday, after church, I caught myself trying to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense, and what came up for me is a messy-looking mental inkblot that I’m still trying to interpret with a positive meaning. The various blots of my thoughts make me feel worried that I blew it by not going, and at the same time, I can see this motion in the colors that make it seem like all of the opportunities around me are moving on without me now.
But here’s the thing about an inkblot: I can choose to see whatever I want to see — or maybe what I need to see — in the swirls and splatters.
It’s all in my mind’s eye anyway! I can choose to fixate on whatever I decide to look at and infuse all sorts of fears, worries, and meanings into the colors I see however I choose to, or…I can just let the colors mix as they choose and get out of the way so I can get on with my life!
The only meaning any of my thoughts truly have comes from me and my willingness to trust the opportunities in my life to come and to go in some sort of Divine Order. It is my choice to frame up the circumstances of my journey in a way that keeps me moving forward, or…I can let myself over-think everything and remain stuck and motionless in a sloppy mix of my greatest fears.
That’s a pretty empowering reality check, don’t you think?
Perhaps the value in what I can see now comes into focus when I think about how ready I am to do more, be more, and contribute more. That’s it! So I missed out on this conference — but there will be other things in my future. Of that, I’m certain. But I’ve read too much into the various fears swirling around in my life for far too long, and perhaps the greater action for me to take these days is to simply recognize my unwillingness to limit my future with any type of fear whatsoever!
It’s time to say NO-FA — NO Fear Anymore.
It’s all there in the splatters of my messy thoughts… Can’t you see it?
